Let’s be honest: self-care often feels harder than caring for others, especially when we’ve been conditioned to put everyone else first. So much of what we do is on autopilot—robotic routines driven by the “shoulds,” the guilt when we don’t, and the inherited weight of so-called norms, family expectations, and school rules. That’s why true self-care isn’t about conforming to someone else’s formula or chasing the next trend. It’s about questioning your beliefs, owning your worldview, and deciding how you want to move through life.

For the longest time, taking care of others was easier than taking care of myself. Ignoring my own needs while obsessing over “doing it right” became second nature. I even tried to please the universe itself—yes, really. #eyeroll. But the harder I tried, the less it worked.

Honesty matters to me, but balancing it with everyone else’s needs and expectations? Let’s call that what it was: a total shit show.

For a long time now, I’ve been giving self-care a real shot. Here’s what I’ve learned:

Self-care isn’t about reinventing yourself. It’s about cutting through the noise, questioning what’s real, and asking yourself, “What do I need?” - So in that sense, self-care for me is revolutionary!

We spend so much energy pleasing others that we forget to ask: What’s my thing? When you’re not used to it, self-care can feel like a round-the-clock gig—checking in, showing up, and learning to choose you. But the more you lean into being you, the less it feels like work. It becomes natural—a way of living, not just a task to check off a list.

But how do we break old patterns? - Respond differently.

Breaking patterns starts with little things, and the beauty is in the simplicity. It all begins with awareness.

• How do you talk to yourself? Can you choose compassion over criticism?
• Can you speak to yourself like you would to your best friend?
• Can you stop judging yourself and look through a kinder lens?
• Can you show up for yourself, as yourself—daily?
• Can you take a breath, no matter the struggle, before reacting out of habit?
• How about setting a beautiful table for yourself? Savor your meal with joy, without distraction.

See? It’s not rocket science—you’re simply channeling your energy in a more positive direction. Not a minute lost here. And yes, there’s a lot more to self-care, but this is a start. It’s just you and only you. In that way, it’s beautifully simple. Of course, when others come into the picture, we’ll need to talk about boundaries—but that’s a conversation for another day.

Remember this: self-care isn’t just something you do—it’s a way of living. It’s about consistently showing up for yourself, as yourself!

I’ve also learned that I don’t need judgment when I stumble—I need compassion. When I feel broken, I don’t need to push harder—I need to let myself breathe.

Perfection? Forget it. It’s a trap, not a goal - because: 

In the end, all we ever want is to be free.

The magic of self-care—or a life well lived—is found in the messy bits: trying, failing, and finding the courage to try again. Think of any great story—it’s rarely about perfection. It’s about something going wrong and the grit to rise once more. The pitch-perfect scenario? Rarely memorable. Like a good movie, life ebbs and flows, with the magic often hidden in the chaos.

True self-care is about valuing life as it is—raw, unfiltered, and beautifully flawed. It’s not about waiting for the stars to align. It’s about showing up for yourself—even in the storm. Because if you can stand with yourself in the chaos and the calm, you’ve already shifted something monumental.

Are you ready to show up for yourself?

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K

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Photo credit: With the kind permission of Tomm Naese / Titel: Three Top Mountain